Happy New Year Pals
2022 died after a twelve month battle with time
It’s been a blast. 2022 began with some extraordinary adventures and went on to provide some of the most remarkable moments of my life. The decision to write Terrence Malick’s biography came following an episode of my podcast Writers on Film and at the suggestion of editor and biographer Pat McGilligan. It was his encouragement and trust that inspired me to pitch and progress was swift and fortunate. That I would end up meeting and getting to know Terry was never an expected outcome. Neither were many of the other friends and adventures I’ve had along the way, including a trip to Texas to research the book. The first draft is almost finished and will hopefully be submitted early next year. I’ll keep you updated.
Other adventures have included writing for Variety for the first time and visiting two new film festivals: Sarajevo and Bergen, Norway. This has meant that I’ve been to seven festivals in total this year. The films have been excellent throughout, but more importantly the people have been wonderful. Festival friends have just become friends.
Halfway through Locarno I made a fateful decision. I had been diagnosed with Barrett’s Syndrome about three years ago. It’s a pre-cancerous condition which is irreversible but which can also be improved with changes to diet. Alcohol, caffeine, onions, acidy food, anything with a hint of joy or fun needs to be eliminated. Or at least that’s what it seems like when you first google the diets. To begin with I was very good, cutting everything including alcohol down to a minimum. But following lockdown and with my social life once more taking a toll, my diet had slipped. At Locarno I was sitting at a table explaining to someone - I’m such a fecking bore - the Barrett’s situation when I realized everything I was eating and drinking was on the list. I decided there and then not to have another drink for as long as I live. I was done.
That was five months ago. I’ve always been a heavy drinker with periodic moments when I’d cut back, but this was different. This wasn’t a regretful hungover resolution. It was a clean decision. A reassessment. Maybe it was to do with turning 50. I’d been drinking since I was 15. I’d had enough.
In all honesty, I never think of New Year’s as an important celebration. Mid-winter feels like the low point of the swing through the year - a halfway marker. For me new year has always been more meaningfully marked by the summer. It’s when my professional life as a teacher has always stopped and then started with the academic year. My birthday on the 29th of June also allows for a moment of reflection and resolution. And this year was a biggie. I was so relieved to get to 50. Being 49 was nowhere. It was no age. Now I felt free. Suddenly I wanted to do stuff and not do stuff depending on a far clearer view of who I am and what I want out of life. Suddenly things came out in sharper relief. A film I saw that really underlined this idea was the Banshees of Inersherin. When you’re young the question is ‘What do you want to do with your life?’ It is an urgent question you have half your life to answer … so not really urgent. Plus it comes to you at a moment when you are least qualified to answer it. But ‘What are you going to do with the rest of your life?’ feels to me actually urgent and important and best of all I feel I am qualified now to think deeply and slowly about it. I don’t need to impress as many people; certainly not everyone. There are advantages to being older and I fully intended to enjoy and employ them.
So…tattoos! Now I’m going to get myself some tattoos. I’m also going to spend a bit more time connecting to people. I’m going to read and watch movies for fun and so that’s going to involve more rereading and re-watching. The stuff coming out now is great, but I’ve only seen some of the best movies ever made once. And my hunger to be abreast of everything all the time has lessened. I want to revisit the writers who most closely speak to me. The filmmakers whose visions influenced how I saw life. Do they still ring true? Are there new truths to be learned? Of course, my thirst for novelty is still strong but FOMO can go fuck itself. The only parties that count are the ones you attend; the only meals you taste are those you eat. The people who love you are right here. The spectacular now needs to be enjoyed along with the unspectacular now. The hanging around, being in your own head, your own space. Enjoying your own company. I enjoy being with me. I make myself laugh. It’s a side benefit of being an idiot.
So tomorrow, there’ll be resolutions even if the most important ones were made in the summer, in the midst of it all. And there’ll be a general getting back to it. Tattoo appointments won’t make themselves. I hope you all have a great night tonight and a happy start to what could be a wonderful new year. Let’s see.
Oh and there’ll be a new chapter of Connery up tomorrow as well.