Fingernails

A story

They had been travelling for ages and when they got to the new house it was dark. The housing estate was a series of blank windows, reflecting the moonlike glow of the streetlights. Their house was at the top of a winding cul-de-sac, looking out at the glittering town in the distance.

Emily was asleep in the backseat. Daniel carried her upstairs to her room. Claire removed the thing from her bed and Daniel laid her down. They took a moment to look down at the sleeping child and then Daniel and Claire stood close together. Daniel put his arm around Claire and she looked at him a moment in the light from the landing and smiled.

‘I can’t believe we’re really here,’ she said.

When Emily awoke, she lay in the bed – not yet hers – and listened to the sound of Claire and Daniel in the kitchen. They were moving things and shouting to each other. A radio played a local station. The DJ said there had been a serious accident last night on the reservoir road and for people driving in to work to be careful of black ice. ‘You might want to use the bypass, because there are delays,’ he said, cheerfully.

‘There you are sleepy head,’ Daniel said as Emily trod into the kitchen, dragging Morph, her Mini, with her like a rag doll. ‘Cereal or toast?’

‘Cereal,’ she said and seating Morph beside her she sat in a chair. A pile of official papers was in her way but Claire moved them and replaced them with a bowl of Frosties.

‘Big day today,’ Claire said as she poured the milk.

‘We might want to use the bypass,’ Daniel said to Claire. ‘To avoid delays.’

Emily had to take the bus to school. She walked down the winding road to the bus stop alone. Claire had wanted to accompany her, but Daniel said, ‘You have to learn. You’re 12 now.’

Emily nodded. ‘I’m 12 now,’ she repeated.

The school bus was noisy and all the children shouted her name when she got on. She made her way to a seat that was being kept for her by Hannah.

‘Emily!’ Hannah shouted. ‘Oh - my - God! You look so cool!’

‘I’m 12 now,’ Emily said, a little confused by the heat of the bus and the noise. The gears were grinding and the engine churned making the glass rattle and black smoke pour from the exhaust in an initial gout before it shuddered into movement.

‘How was your trip?’ Hannah said. ‘We missed you at the party.’

‘What party?’

‘Alan had a party and everyone went. You know his dad’s house is ginormous, right? And downstairs he’s got this indoor swimming pool. Can you believe it? He lives in luxury. Do you know what he got for Christmas? A new laptop, but one of those Apple ones, right? They cost about a thousand pounds. If not more!’

Emily listened to Hannah go on and on about Alan and Christmas and her mum – who she hated – and her dad – who she loved but who had ‘a restraining order’ and so couldn’t visit them. Though he did text. Meanwhile, the fields sugared with frost, a horse billowing steam and a screaming ambulance passed the bus as it lurched and huffed towards school.

Emily checked her timetable in the front cover of her Homework Diary. She had English with Ms. Peters and then French with M. Baton. Then there was the break then she had History before lunch. The school was well signposted, but she didn’t need the indications as her friends were often going to the same classes and so she followed them. All the classes involved checking holiday homework and doing half-hearted assignments which hinted that the teachers were just as depressed at being back as the children were.

Emily sat with her group of friends at lunch break and they compared their new phones, or jewellery, or gadgets and swapped stories about how various visiting cousins had behaved and wasn’t the new Sherlock crap. Outside, Emily walked off to the edge of the playing fields so that she could look back to the hills that rose in the distance. On one of these hills her house stood and Daniel and Claire would be there. They weren’t going back to work until the middle of the week. They had both taken sick days so they could get the house in order and deal with some of the details which needed to be dealt with. Emily suspected there were some nerves as well.

A boy came to stand next to her, at a distance. He was supposed to be collecting the football. He picked it up and kicked it back but didn’t re-join the game. ‘A pity you couldn’t come to my party,’ he said.

‘I heard it was fun,’ Emily said. ‘Hannah said you’ve got an indoor swimming pool, Alan.’

‘You should come for a swim,’ Alan said. And then, changing his mind, he ran back to the football game.

Going back to class, she found herself once more in a strange room full of children her own age. A teacher wearing a tartan skirt glared at her from the doorway. ‘Have you a reason for being here, Miss Brinkley?’

‘No, Miss,’ the rest of the class quietened down and turned to look at her standing there searching for her seat. She realized all the seats were taken. This wasn’t her classroom. ‘I’ve got the wrong room. Sorry, Miss.’

The teacher smiled, ‘Still on holiday, are we?’

And the children roared like it was the funniest thing anybody had ever said. Ever.

She needed to go to the bathroom at the break and throw up. She sicked up the penne pasta, the yoghurt and the flapjack she’d eaten at lunch. It was a stupid mistake to make but then someone else did the same thing in her next class. A young boy wandered into the class gazed dumbly around the room and then, with a sudden grin of realization, clicked his fingers, swivelled on his heels and was out the door before anyone could say anything.

When Emily told them about the incident at dinner, Claire smiled. ‘What lesson does this teach you?’

‘Accidents are normal,’ Emily said. ‘People make mistakes.’

‘People make mistakes!’ Daniel agreed. ‘That should be our family motto.’

Claire loaded the dishwasher with Daniel and Emily sat in front of the television. Daniel brought her a mug of hot chocolate and they sat three on the small sofa and watched five hours of television.

The rest of the week passed without incident. Things happened certainly and Emily made several more minor mistakes, but they were all within the paradigm of a young girl returning to school after two weeks away on holiday. The holiday itself was a subject of some curiosity. No one else had been skiing; no one else knew how to ski. At least not in her immediate circle.

‘It’s beautiful in the mountains,’ she told Hannah.

By the end of the week, Emily felt comfortable with her friends and in the evening, she received the appropriate number of WhatsApp messages and Instagram likes. She had taken to Instagram particularly because it gave her an excuse to look at the world closely and curiously, something that might otherwise have drawn attention. She played PokemonGo over the weekend as well. It was bright and cold out and she walked around town with her phone, learning the streets, the buildings, watching the people, how they moved and interacted, or didn’t interact. In the evening, after dinner and homework, Daniel, Emily and Claire sat on the sofa and watched television until it was time for bed. They worked their way through solid chunks of popular culture, peppering it with news reports and documentaries. Soap operas and Reality Shows, although difficult to watch, took up most of the viewing time.

They were arguing in the House again and when one of the contestants held up her hand and looked down as she spoke, Claire stood up and mimicked the gesture. Daniel and Emily applauded and Claire bowed deeply. They agreed they preferred the various dramas and rewarded themselves with entire seasons at the weekend.

‘I don’t like Star Trek,’ said Daniel referring to his notes. ‘I like Star Wars.’

Claire smiled, indulgently. ‘I hate science fiction but I love Fifty Shades of Grey and Game of Thrones.’

‘Ah, fantasy.’

‘We really need to watch Orange is the New Black.’

Emily stood up.

‘I need to catch up on my YouTube,’ she said and went to her room.

The freeze of January gave way to the drizzle of February.

‘People hibernate,’ Daniel told her Saturday lunchtime. ‘They don’t know it but they do. Their whole history, they have been living from feast to famine and back again. So, their behaviour is based on that.’

‘I know,’ said Emily. ‘You don’t always have to treat me like a kid.’

‘But you’re 12 years old.’

‘Almost 13.’

Emily looked at him with an unfamiliar warmth in her chest. Claire had a fork of risotto almost to her mouth but she was staring at them, amazed. ‘Do that again,’ she said.

Emily looked at her. And then turned back to Daniel. ‘You don’t always have to treat me…’

‘No,’ Claire said. ‘Say “Stop treating me…”.’

‘I’m not a child. Stop treating me like a child. I’m not a child. You have to… Please, don’t treat me… no.’ She looked at her plate and then she slammed her hand on the kitchen table so the plate jumped a couple of millimetres into the air. ‘I’m not a child, Dad. God, I hate you!’

Then she ran upstairs crying.

Daniel and Claire came to the doorway and stood there watching her sobbing into her pillow.

‘Amazing,’ Daniel said.

‘I think we’re ready,’ Claire said. ‘Almost.’

The dinner party took the whole week to organize. Hannah was invited for a sleepover. Alec and Jenny from Daniel’s office were invited and Claire invited Jesse and Torbin from the library. Playlists were worried over, a menu decided upon and the television watching suffered as maps needed to be emailed; messages sent with detailed instructions; photographs needed to be taken and scanned; candidates selected. Social media accounts were hacked and distributed. Choosing the candidates wasn’t up to them but they did have a veto and they spent long hours late into the night huddling over their laptops in the kitchen. They talked about it in words they had learned from watching Strictly and Big Brother.

On the Friday at seven o’clock in the morning, a delivery van wound its way up the road to the top of the housing estate. Emily passed it as she lugged her school bag down the hill towards the bus stop. Friday was a heavy day. She had to take in the German dictionary and her games kit as well as her books for her other subjects. She was also reading a lot and, as she read very quickly, this meant that she had to take three or four novels. She was working her way through the Young Adults classics, but also sneaking in as much of the literature as she could manage.

‘I didn’t know you liked reading so much,’ Hannah said.

‘It’s human to make mistakes,’ Emily told her.

‘That’s… funny?’

They ran the cross-country only as long as Miss Happenstance (as they called her) was in sight. Then they walked. Hannah and Albertina talked about Alan and Mark who they both liked. Neither of them had fully decided which one they liked more. Emily listened to them talk. She would occasionally force herself to make a comment. ‘When is your birthday Albertina?’ Emily asked.

‘June. Why?’

‘We should have a party,’ Emily said.

They showered after the run and got changed. Forty girls screaming and shouting until Miss Happenstance burst in on them and a sullen silence dropped on them like a towel thrown on a cat.

Hannah got off at Emily’s stop and they walked up the hill together. ‘I brought a change,’ Hannah said. ‘For tonight.’

They both tried to act grown up. Hannah spoke to Claire and Daniel and made a point of calling them by their first names as much as she could, once she had permission to do so. Claire organized the girls to help her create ‘an atmosphere’, which mostly meant candles.

Meanwhile, Daniel stayed in the garage. He had been working in there since he got home from work. The car was outside and while Hannah and Claire were busy lighting scented candles and placing them strategically around the house, Emily snuck out to see how he was getting along.

‘What do you think?’ Daniel said, waving a screwdriver at the nests.

‘Reminds me of home,’ said Emily and she began to cry.

‘Is that real?’ Daniel asked, shocked. ‘I mean are you really doing that?’

‘I think so,’ Emily said. She put a hand to her face and tried to touch the tears on her face with her fingertips, without spoiling the effect. Like catching snowflakes.

‘You’ll be absorbed soon.’

‘How long do you think?’

‘They said it would take up to six months,’ Daniel said, turning the heaters on and releasing the gas. ‘We’re almost halfway there. You won’t be any different at all then.’

‘Do you ever have doubts?’

Daniel stopped for a moment and considered the question carefully. It took him some time. ‘No,’ he said, decisively. ‘Not at all.’

Claire had cooked a curry and opened a bottle of wine. Music was a nice ambient playlist they had all decided on, though early in the evening they allowed Hannah to decide some songs. Hannah went upstairs with Emily and together they changed and did each other’s hair and makeup. They redid their hair and makeup soon afterwards. And then they did a quiz on the internet to see which House they would belong to in Hogwarts. They both tried for Slytherin, but Hannah was Hufflepuff and Emily was Gryffindor.

The doorbell rang and soon adult voices drifted up, and tinkling laughter. Torbin was a blustery young man who affected late middle age. He wore a tweed suit and had even tried smoking a pipe for a while. He always sided on the conservative with a small c, but this was based more on his love of PG Wodehouse and James Herriot rather than any serious ideological engagement. Jesse was a tall gay woman who wore t-shirts that advertised her musical taste. In some ways, she was as conservative as Torbin, though she harked back to the 1980s rather than the 1880s. They both loved Downton Abbey and Doctor Who and would bore Claire to tears at the library once they got going. Alec and Jenny arrived later and had obviously stopped for a drink. It was a work romance which was considered ‘the worst kept secret ever’, but they were grateful to Daniel for the invitation as a couple and they also saw ‘potentialities’ as Daniel was after all their boss.

Canapés were served in the front room and Torbin inspected the bookshelves with a critical eyebrow raised. Jesse did likewise with the CDs, muttering: ‘Elton John, for the love of God.’ Alec and Jenny bounced their conversation off each other and back to Claire and Daniel liked a game of mixed doubles and everyone ooh-ed and ah-ed when Hannah and Emily finally deigned to put in an appearance.

‘Fashionably late as ever, my love,’ said Daniel. And everyone laughed.

The girls tried to address everything in as adult a manner as possible even though frustratingly everything directed at them consisted of questions about school and the teasing about boys. Soon dinner was served and they all drifted into the dining room – which had been vacuumed and smelled of furniture polish – and the girls were drafted as waitresses to begin with. Once the poppadums and Naan bread, the dips and the bhaajis, the rice and the curry had all been served, the conversation trickled along with the sound of wine being poured and the occasional hiss of the lemonade. Both the girls were allowed half a glass as Jenny talked about how children drank wine in France and there wasn’t half the problem with binge drinking on the continent as there was here. Which led to Brexit and then swiftly away from Brexit and towards summer holidays. Alec was putting his glass down on the table and smiling lazily to Jenny, seated across from him, but the glass rested on the very edge of the table before it tilted and landed with a bump on the carpeted floor. Alec’s arm followed it, his fingers twitching and then his whole body poured itself into a soft heap on the floor.

‘Alec!’ Jenny said, laughing. She stood but her legs were melted chewing gum under her and they gave way. She saw the floor coming up, the plum-coloured carpet, but the deep red turned to black and she was gone before her head softly hit the floor. Jesse was already face down in her plate of curry and Hannah, being the smallest, had slumped first, but had been held up by Emily. Emily now eased her friend onto the floor.

Torbin pushed his chair back. ‘What on Earth…?’ he began. His energy was draining out of him. There was no force in him, no strength at all. And at the same time, he was losing grasp on his concentration. He had enough about him to look over at Claire and Daniel and to see in their non-reaction something horribly sinister. Why weren’t they concerned? Why weren’t they jumping to their feet? Calling an ambulance? Asking if everything is all right?

‘I don’t… know…’ Torbin began. If he could simply get these words out, if he could finish this sentence but already in his head there was something else. There was something actually in his head. Pushing at him. Waiting, but impatiently pushing at him. Wanting him to fall to the floor. He tried to hold on. He tried to use his anger. Fury. He could be furious at times. All the sadness and disappointment; the fear at a world that no longer knew how to use semi-colons; nor cared. He took a step towards the door as Claire and Daniel watched him and then he too toppled. A small cloud of Old Spice aftershave was released by his impact with the floor.

‘Hmmm,’ said Daniel.

‘Don’t say it,’ Claire warned.

‘If you had put as much in the rice…’

‘They could taste it in the rice,’ she said. ‘It had to be in the curry. I didn’t know he was going to eat like that.’

Torbin had eaten the rice first and then moved onto the curry. It was the way he always ate. One thing at a time. As with everything, there was a system.

‘Emily, you do the dishes and the kitchen,’ Daniel said. ‘We’ll take care of this.’

‘It’s not fair,’ she said.

‘That’s good,’ Claire muttered but she was already turning Jenny over and grabbing her wrists the better to drag her. ‘You’re getting the hang of it now.’

Emily could hear the thumping of the bodies as they were dragged through the small hall and out of the back door, through the utility room and into the garage. She dumped the uneaten food into the bin and loaded the dishwasher. She played the music loud to cover the sound of the bodies being moved. She was glad that she didn’t have to deal with this part actually. It was heavy work and unpleasant. She had a lot of affection for Hannah, though the girl was essentially a stupid and superficial child. When the dishwasher was on and the kitchen looked clean and the dining room was back to its normal state of pristine disuse, Emily went upstairs and carefully packed Hannah’s stuff away.

She went outside for a walk with her phone. Looking for something to photograph. She found an empty cigarette packet, gilded by sparkling frost. She held up her phone and took the picture.

The next morning, Hannah sat numbly before her breakfast. Alec and Jenny, Talbot and Jesse stood in the front garden, chirruping their car alarms until they worked out which keys belonged to which car.

‘You couldn’t make it up,’ said Claire, coming in.

‘What does that mean?’ Hannah asked.

‘It means unlikely things happen all the time in reality,’ Emily said. ‘Reality is stranger than fiction.’

‘Ok—ay,’ Hannah said. ‘I think.’

She bit her fingernail nervously. She looked at where she had taken some skin off as well and a small bead of blood formed and then, heavy, ran down her finger.

‘I’ll never get it all right,’ she said.

Emily smiled.

‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘People make mistakes all the time.’

The End